Chaos, confusion, peace

This past week has probably been one of the toughest, but most beautiful weeks that I have experienced here in Peru. We have been living in the 40/40 training center for over a week now and began classes on Monday. The community here is very unique and I feel so blessed to be surrounded by so many who desire to waste their lives for Christ.

Chaos: As I have been sharing through these post, I been experiencing a great amount of pain in my neck and back which has worsened over the past two months. I met with the leadership here on Monday to discuss my pain and what needed to be done in order for me to feel relief. They care about me and want what is best for me; even if that means going home. We decided that I would miss out on our first week of class, rest and just go to physical therapy. If there was not any improvement by the following Monday (tomorrow), I would go back to Ohio to receive treatment. I had to share with my team that night the decision that was made and I was so blessed by all the prayers and words of encouragement that I received which continued throughout the entire week from both those here and at home. Another setback this week was when my Peruvian partner, Julissa, who I met on Sunday went home on Thursday without any warning. She had such a beautiful spirit and we were instant friends, but she had things at home that she had to deal with.

Confusion: As I went through all of the possibilities and dealt with all that was being thrown at me this week, I experienced more confusion of what to do than I have ever before. I am not the greatest at making decisions and generally appreciate others (especially God) just making them for me and telling me what to do. Along with many others, I have cried out to God for an answer of what it was he was telling me to do and what his ultimate will is for all of this. I know he is more than capable of healing me and allowing me to remain here to serve him, but for some reason he has been fairly silent. Through services, others, and personal devotions, I have heard so many conflicting answers which have only left me in more confusion!

Peace: However, through my times of forced rest, pain, and difficulties, my eyes and heart have been opened and sensitive to understand what it is God is wanting me to learn from all of this. Each trial we go through is there to help purify and refine us, but I hadn't completely grasped what it was that I needed to learn until all that I had taken for granted was being threatened to change. Am I willing like Abraham was with Issac to sacrifice his promise to me that I would bring light into the darkness of Peru in order to show him how much I truly love him and above all desire to be obedient to him? Am I willing to give up my new family here and accept that he might have different plans for me? Whatever happens, my love will be with me and will use me, so why worry? I am now at peace that whether I am healed and able to stay here or if I need to go home and get treatment, I will not be alone and it will all be work out in his perfect timing.

There has been little progress in the past week with my pain. The numbing in my arm is gone and I was able to sit for over two hours yesterday! However, I am in still a considerable amount of pain and am not sure if I will be able to withstand the long hours that are required of me. Tomorrow is decision day and I will let everyone know the next step for my adventure here! Thank you again for all your prayers and words of encouragement, keep them coming!!!
Encouraging passages that I want to share from this week:
Isaiah 41:9-13; Psalm 46,77,86; Phil. 1:16, and Joshua 1:6-9

If You Want Me To

So tomorrow is a huge day for our cohort because we will transition from our lives with our host families to moving to the Larry and Addy Garman training center with our twelve new Peruvian partners and beginning our missionary training. I have been praying for my Peruvian partner for over a year now and am very anxious to finally meet her and begin our ministry together. This transition would be much smoother for me if it weren't for my current health condition. I have many reservations about moving during this time because I am in constant pain and am just not as focused to begin this work.

However God has shown me his faithfulness and has revealed many lies that the enemy has brought to my mind. A few times this week I had my mind set on going home. Since I wasn't able to fulfill what I thought was my purpose here in Peru, I had decided that I was no use here and that I would be less of a burden at home.

How unfaithful was I to my betrothed! A few months back I had shared about the relation with the Jewish marriage customs and Jesus and how we are his bride, betrothed. In a marriage ceremony, the couple promise to be with each other during sickness or in health. When God called me to Peru, he didn't say it would all be easy or that I would be in good health the entire time, but he did say he would be with me. He has not given up on me or released me from this call, but as soon as things were difficult, I was quick to give up on him.

After many tears, prayers, and encouragement from my brothers and sisters in Christ, I finally saw my unfaithfulness and realized that God was allowing me to go through this time in order to be purified, disciplined, and grow in my faith in him. Yesterday Jarred shared in our prayer meeting from 2 Corinthians 12:7-10. I really love the words in the Amplified version:

⁷And to keep me from being puffed up and too much elated by the exceeding greatness (preeminence) of these revelations, there was given me a thorn (a splinter) in the flesh, a messenger of Satan, to rack and buffet and harass me, to keep me from being excessively exalted. [Job. 2:6.]

⁸Three times I called upon the Lord and besought [Him] about this and begged that it might depart from me;

⁹But He said to me, My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me!

¹⁰So for the sake of Christ, I am well pleased and take pleasure in infirmities, insults, hardships, persecutions, perplexities and distresses; for when I am weak [in human strength], then am I [truly] strong (able, powerful in divine strength).

I feel that this may be a "thorn in my flesh", but God can use it to glorify him further if I allow him to. A reoccurring lesson in my walk with God has been to rely on his strength and not my own.

A song that a dear friend of mine sang to me a few years ago when I was going through some difficult times has become my theme song and is really my prayer during this time in my life. I am confident that God is healing me and great things will come from all of this and I am so excited to share it with all of you when it happens!

Endings and beginnings

We have officially been here for three months and just completed our first task: Spanish school. Our last week of classes was a perfect end to our time there.

I had a little trouble getting back into learning mode after my trip to Lima, but it was so good to be back with my family here and to be with my teacher, Elvira. Cailyn and I gave our presentations on Thursday and they each lasted over an hour and a half! Yes I talked in Spanish for that long! I talked about something that has completely changed my life and is the reason I am here in Peru today; my time at Mount Vernon. Our teacher was very interested in the contrasts of universities in Peru with those back home. I really enjoyed sharing about my classes, the opportunities that I had, and the beautiful friendships that formed while there. Cailyn shared about the Jewish marriage customs and it's relation with Jesus which we had shared with the group during a Bible study. It was just as powerful in Spanish and was definitely something that needed to be shared. This led into our final spiritual conversation in class with Elvira and God really helped give Cailyn and I the words to share. The other classes took advantage of the opportunity to share about their faith as well and I am confident that many seeds were planted during these past three months!

On Friday we had a celebration ceremony with the entire group and our teachers. Cailyn and I helped with organizing and it turned out surprisingly well. I was the presenter and was incredibly nervous because that was my first time speaking in Spanish in front of such a large crowd, but I think appropriate words came out. Cailyn and Alex did a few Christian songs in Spanish, including "How he Loves". We each received a certificate and a gift from the director of the school, Carmen. It was a great time of fellowship and our accomplishments were definitely worth celebrating.

We are now in the transitional phase of moving to Zamacola, meeting our Peruvian partners, and beginning our mission training classes. We have until Thursday to relax and enjoy some of Arequipa before our move. There are an array of emotions surrounding this change. Worries about communication with our Peruvian partners, living with 24 people, and taking college level classes all in Spansih! Please be in prayer as we begin our work here as missionaries and take in all of these new changes.

Also, please continue to be praying for my back problems. I am still in a considerable amount of pain and it is beginning to ware on my attitude, but I am confident that God is healing me and that there is so much to learn from this time. I started physical therapy last week and will be going for a while to see if this will ease the pain. Thank you all for your words of encouragement and prayers!!

Cost of burning

Extreme Peru's main purpose or theme is to "carry the light" into the darkness of Peru. Since being here, I have witnessed that there is much darkness that needs to be exposed by the light and good news of Jesus. I know to be a light that there is a cost. It's not always a pleasant experience, but there is pain that is often involved. However, once God has refined us by his fire, we will shine brighter than we ever did before the pain.

This past week was the climax of my pain. I have been struggling with this pain for almost two months now and was getting really discouraged that I wasn't able to do the things that I used to do. I felt that I had nothing to offer to my team or the people of Peru. I was talking to Cailyn about my frustrations and through our conversation God revealed one of the lessons that I needed to learn. I have always been one to serve others, but never feel that I deserve others service or help. This often hinders others from being servants and demonstrates that I really don't love myself the way that I need to. I also expressed to her my feelings of being useless and then read this in my devotional:

"Light is always costly and comes at the expense of that which produces it. An unlit candle does not shine, for burning must come before the light. And we can be of little use to others without a cost to ourselves. Burning suggests suffering and we try to avoid pain. We tend to feel we are doing the greatest good in the world when we are strong and fit for active duty and when our hearts and hands are busy with kind acts of service. Therefore when we are set aside to suffer, when we are sick, when we are consumed with pain, and when all our activities have been stopped, we feel we are no longer of any use and are accomplishing nothing. Yet if we will be patient and submissive, it is almost certain we will be a greater blessing to the world around us during our time of suffering and pain than we were when we thought we were doing our greatest work. Then we are burning and shining brightly as a result of the fire." Streams in the Desert

I don't think that God could had made it any clearer that this is what he was wanting me to grasp! Just to make sure that I got this, I also received this from my dear friend Rachel Kuhn in a message!

This past week I have been in Lima with Elizabeth Lewis, the Extreme translator, going to different tests and appointments trying to discover what is the source and remedy for this pain. Before leaving on Monday night, my entire Cusco team came to my house to spend some time with me and to surround me in prayer. My other teammates also sent me words of encouragement and I had several opportunities to pray with those back home as well. Elizabeth and I had some great fellowship here in Lima. I was even able to see the ocean at sunset (and many of you who know me know about my love for sunsets and beaches)! We were also able to say good-bye to a few of the Extreme staff members, the Drinkwaters and Leanne Bennett, before they went back home (please keep the Drinkwaters in your prayers as Mike undergoes more test to figure out what is the cause of his illness). Another added blessing to our trip in Lima was that we began our process for residency with my Cusco family who came up from Arequipa.

Going back to the cost of burning and being more of a blessing and all that God is wanting me to learn during this time. I went back to the specialist today and received wonderful news: there is no evident problems with my neck or with my muscles! I know I should have been praising God for this report, but instead I was more upset that there still wasn't a solution to my pain. I had been searching for answers and had put my hope in human hands instead of putting complete trust in the ultimate physician. I might not know where this pain is coming from, but I know that it is there and it is something that God is allowing me to go through in order to be that burning light for him. I appreciate all of your prayers and words of encouragement as I continue learning to be patient and submissive during this time of refining.

Pain into Joy

Last week I was filled with joy from the Lord and brokenness for the people of Peru, but after a spiritual high usually follows a spiritual low. I have definitely experienced that this week. I had shared in a recent post about the pain that I have been experiencing with my back and how I have been going to a chiropractor to try and get some relief. God has provided funds to make this possible, but for some reason I am not getting any better, but at times feel worse. My attitude was not pleasing to the Lord and I allowed my trial and circumstance to get me down further instead of relying on God's strength and allowing this trial to refine and purify me. Tuesday I hit the bottom and was just overwhelmed with the pain and the fact that I wasn't able to fully do the work that God has called me to do in Peru. I was questioning why I would be brought all the way to Peru just to experience this pain. My thoughts were very irrational and I wasn't allowing God to carry this burden for me, I was just trying to survive on my own strength, and that never works!

My beautiful roommate Cailyn, who received the brunt of my negativity, lifted me up in prayer, encouraged me with Psalm 139, and along with my brother Stephen, called a prayer gathering. Although I thought I was fine and didn't want to inconvenience anyone, it was exactly what we each needed. All of my Cusco family and two of my dear sisters from the Arequipa group came and embraced me in prayer and gave me many words of encouragement. We also lifted up those in Extreme because I wasn't the only one who was experiencing difficulties. It was a beautiful display of what the church is suppose to do: carry each others burdens. My sister Beth told me that this is God's way of purifying me and it will help me become more prepared for what is to come ahead. Another one of my brothers told me that there is a difference in joy and happiness. Happiness is outwardly, but joy comes from the Lord.

These past few days God has revealed to me that there are some trials and burdens that he does not intend to lift, but wants us to allow him to help us carry them. Last night at our group Bible study, Tia shared about protecting our energy source. There were times when I felt she was speaking directly too me. It was exactly what I needed to hear. She mentioned that when we are going through a trial, we need to ask God to give us wisdom to learn what we need to through it and to believe that what we asked for will happen. There was also a part about as we go through a trial, we need to make sure we aren't emotionally taking it out on others, but rather we need to turn our focus off ourselves and onto others.

My prayer and attitude about my pain has drastically changed and am now in the mindset that God will be glorified through this and that as I persevere, I will become even stronger in him. I know that the joy of the Lord is my strength, so I am going to choose to be joyful despite the pain, knowing that this trial will only last for a time.

" The righteous cry out and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles but the Lord delivers him from them all". Psalm 34:17-19

"We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us". Romans 5:3-5

Huacsapata: Their reality

Cailyn and I decided after weeks of being asked by our pastor's wife to go to Huacsapata with her, a mission about a 45 minute drive away from the church. Right now our church goes there on Saturdays to work with the children, Mondays for adults, and Wednesday for everyone. I didn't realize or prepare for what we were going into. I had heard stories of children receiving their one healthy meal a week, having no running water in the houses, and having community outhouses, but it didn't become reality until we drove way into the mountains and stepped out into the shack-filled, dusty pueblo.

We entered the little stone shack to a room filled with beautiful children covered in dust and dirt. There were about 30 children yesterday, but I was told that there are 50 children signed up to come. They were divided into age groups and I went with the older children into another one-room shack that I could barely stand up in. After a few games and a quick lesson about honesty, we went back to the mission and had lunch together. They all lined up to get their one healthy meal that they get a week. We ate with them to show that we were equally grateful for the food. A few of the girls were wanting help with English, so Cailyn and I helped them for a while and then we were asked by the pastors wife to come back each week and help teach English to the children. There was no way after seeing these beautiful faces and experiencing their reality that we could say we didn't want to be apart of this.

My thoughts:
My heart immediately broke for these children who I had just met. I was gripped by the thought that this is their reality, this is all they know. After spending a few hours sharing the Bible with them and giving them a bite to eat, we get to go back down to our comfortable, stable way of living, while they remain in these unimaginable conditions. They are equally loved by their creator, but by looking at their environment, it doesn't appear that way. However, we have the unique opportunity and privilege of feeding them both spiritually and physically and telling them just how loved they really are!

Paseos in Language school

So have I mentioned how much I love my Spanish class? It is just my Cusco mom Amy, twin Cailyn and I. We are learning so much, have a wonderful teacher, and spend the majority of class in conversation. We convinced our Elvira, our teacher, that it would be a good change of scenery to go out to a local coffee shop and have class there. She agreed and we had a wonderful time of conversation and coffee. It went so well that we have gone out every Friday for the past month!

Our second trip was a city tour around Arequipa. Even though we have lived here for 2 months, we haven't had the opportunity to see past the main road. We went to two different outlooks of the city, several historical churches, and saw a majority of the countryside. We also saw a historic mansion called El Fundador that was located right next to a very poor district. We even coordinated our clothing which made for great photo opportunities! This city is massive and breathtaking! There is a lot of work for the team down here, but the harvest is definitely plentiful!

For the past two weeks we have had Erica from England sitting in on our classes which has been such a delight! Since Cailyn and I were the only ones in our class that had ever experienced Mundo Alpaca, we decided to take the class there and then go into the centro for some cafe. Although nothing can beat my first trip to Mundo Alpaca, it was a fun time complete with more of Candy (the aplaca that I bonded with on my birthday) and fresh figs. After our alpaca adventure, we met up with Gary and Alex at Pura Fruta for some frozen yogurt and Cafe Britt coffee. Gary had Elvira as a teacher when he was in language school so he was able to come back and impress Elvira with his Spansih. He was also impressed with our Spanish which was quite an encouragement for all of us to hear!

This last Friday we went to a local fruit market and purchased several different types of fruit that are unique to Peru. We then returned to the school, washed them, and then had a feast! My favorite out of the 13 fruits we tried was the granadilla which looks like a sucker on the outside and is filled with slimy seeds that you slurp on the inside. I have now had three of those since our classs on Friday! Since it was Erica's last day and she still hadn't tried cuy (guinea pig), we decided to go to a local restaurant and experience a taste of Peru. It was as horrifying on the patter as it looks in the pictures! Elvira requested that we have the head on it so we could see it in complete form. There was more meat on it than I was expecting, which I'm not sure if that was a good thing. It tasted sort of like chicken, but the skin was a little too chewy for me. After eating, Elvira opened up the head and found a small bone that looked like an animal. It's tradition to find this bone and stick it in a drink and then have everyone take a drink of it. If you swallow the bone, then you are said to have good luck. I was the lucky one to swallow the bone! I'm not sure where our next outing will be, but I am looking forward to getting to know more of this beautiful place I call home!