If You Want Me To

So tomorrow is a huge day for our cohort because we will transition from our lives with our host families to moving to the Larry and Addy Garman training center with our twelve new Peruvian partners and beginning our missionary training. I have been praying for my Peruvian partner for over a year now and am very anxious to finally meet her and begin our ministry together. This transition would be much smoother for me if it weren't for my current health condition. I have many reservations about moving during this time because I am in constant pain and am just not as focused to begin this work.

However God has shown me his faithfulness and has revealed many lies that the enemy has brought to my mind. A few times this week I had my mind set on going home. Since I wasn't able to fulfill what I thought was my purpose here in Peru, I had decided that I was no use here and that I would be less of a burden at home.

How unfaithful was I to my betrothed! A few months back I had shared about the relation with the Jewish marriage customs and Jesus and how we are his bride, betrothed. In a marriage ceremony, the couple promise to be with each other during sickness or in health. When God called me to Peru, he didn't say it would all be easy or that I would be in good health the entire time, but he did say he would be with me. He has not given up on me or released me from this call, but as soon as things were difficult, I was quick to give up on him.

After many tears, prayers, and encouragement from my brothers and sisters in Christ, I finally saw my unfaithfulness and realized that God was allowing me to go through this time in order to be purified, disciplined, and grow in my faith in him. Yesterday Jarred shared in our prayer meeting from 2 Corinthians 12:7-10. I really love the words in the Amplified version:

⁷And to keep me from being puffed up and too much elated by the exceeding greatness (preeminence) of these revelations, there was given me a thorn (a splinter) in the flesh, a messenger of Satan, to rack and buffet and harass me, to keep me from being excessively exalted. [Job. 2:6.]

⁸Three times I called upon the Lord and besought [Him] about this and begged that it might depart from me;

⁹But He said to me, My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me!

¹⁰So for the sake of Christ, I am well pleased and take pleasure in infirmities, insults, hardships, persecutions, perplexities and distresses; for when I am weak [in human strength], then am I [truly] strong (able, powerful in divine strength).

I feel that this may be a "thorn in my flesh", but God can use it to glorify him further if I allow him to. A reoccurring lesson in my walk with God has been to rely on his strength and not my own.

A song that a dear friend of mine sang to me a few years ago when I was going through some difficult times has become my theme song and is really my prayer during this time in my life. I am confident that God is healing me and great things will come from all of this and I am so excited to share it with all of you when it happens!